Breaking News - I Have Cancer

I Have Cancer.  That is not what I thought I would be saying to myself after leaving the doctors office.  My follow-up appointment with my ENT doctor was already scheduled  from the surgery I had a few weeks prior.  A “suspicious” mass was removed from my sinus cavity and the doctor’s  appointment was to get the results from the biopsy.  For the previous five months, I was going through test after test and getting no answers.  I felt like I was running in circles.  I was going from doctor to doctor desperately seeking answers which no one seemed to have.  The nurse took me back to the room and minutes later the doctor came in.  He was looking at my chart and he said, “The good news is – we finally know what is wrong with you.  The bad news is - you have cancer.”  The news was pretty shocking.  Even though that wasn’t the results I wanted to hear, I was relieved to finally have an answer to my problem. 

I Have Cancer – Now What?

This is me on my 40th Birthday. Two months before I was diagnosed with cancer.

Even though I was relieved, his words reverberated in my mind.  YOU HAVE CANCER!  It must of echoed over and over, hundreds of times, before I left his office.  He told me that it was a rare form of cancer for a white man in the United States, but it was treatable.  His office called the Tony Teramana Cancer Center and set up my appointment with my Medical Oncologist.  The receptionist gave me my appointment information and wished me well.  I saw a concern on her face as I told her to have a nice day.

It hit me like a ton of bricks – I Have Cancer.  The drive home was a long one.  The thought in my mind was that I have to go home and tell my wife that I Have Cancer.  How am I going to tell my wife, who was at home feeding our 14 month old daughter, that I Have Cancer?    How was I going to drop this bombshell on the woman I loved so much.  I asked God for wisdom.  I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  I told myself that I would wait till evening to tell her, after we put our little girl to bed. 

I walked in the house and there they were, sitting at the table, eating supper.  I can’t remember what they were eating.  I don’t really remember much of anything, because I was looking at them and all I could hear echoing in my mind – “You Have Cancer.”   My wife started asking questions about the office visit and I wasn’t even able to steer the conversation a different way.  She flat out asked me, “Is it Cancer?”  I had to tell her - ”Yes, I Have Cancer.”   Then the tears began to fall.  I felt so bad telling her.  I know I broke her heart.  I know that hundreds of questions started rushing through her mind.  Why?  Why is this happening?  I can’t imagine the burden she immediately took upon her shoulders.  She will have to take care of me, our daughter, and so many things around the house.   How will this all be possible? 

I Have Cancer And I Have To Tell My Parents

After I had finished talking to my wife, I realized that I had to call my parents.  As I dialed the number, deep down inside, I was hoping that my dad would answer the phone even though I knew the odds of that happening were not very good.  My mom answered.  I told her that they finally found out what was wrong with me.  I am sure she didn’t want to hear that I Have Cancer, but I tried to stay on a positive note and let her know that now we know what is wrong with me and we can start treating it.  I am sure they were just as frustrated as I was, because no one seemed to have any answers.  They had to take me to several of my tests and surgeries while my wife stayed home to take care of our daughter.  I wasn’t sure how mom was going to respond to the news, but I do remember thinking that went better than expected as I hung up the phone.  I remember feeling bad about having to break the news to them,  but after every test and scan mom would always tell me to call when I got any results. 

I Have Cancer – Lets Fight This!

It was a long five months for everybody.  Now we finally knew what direction we would be heading in.  I Have Cancer and I am going to fight this!  We weren’t expecting some of the setbacks during this fight.  Setbacks like my Pituitary Gland shutting down because of one of the medicines the Neurologist prescribed.  Setbacks like after my first round of radiation treatments I had to have surgery on my hand and elbow to “fix” the numbness in my right hand and arm.  Setbacks like the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes in my neck which set in motion a mini neck dissection and a second round of radiation treatments and chemotherapy as well.  In every fight and every battle we will experience setbacks.  It is how we deal with those setbacks that determines the outcome of the fight!